Music
I’ve gone through my fair share of crazy fandoms growing up (Case in point: My notable contributions to Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons’ body of literature). However, getting on the Hallyu hype train was a move that even I didn’t see coming. When you’re at the impressionable age of 15, spending summer with friends who won’t stop shoving fancams in your face, it’s only a matter of time before you fall into the rabbit hole yourself.
So there I was, escaping the pressures of 10th grade by riding on the high that was Korean pop. I was cruising through different bands every week, getting lost in this exciting new world of over-the-top music videos, variety show binges, and annoyingly catchy songs I could only belt out phonetically. I couldn’t care less about the judgy stares my friends and I got every time we gathered at lunch to pore over any new content our “faves” had released.
I could never stick to one group for too long, but that quickly changed when I came across rookie K-Pop band Seventeen (SVT), who had just made their debut earlier that year. Once I got the hang of telling the 13 of them apart, the fantastic spiral commenced. Being an SVT fan led me to a lot of crazy teenage milestones.
My first online shopping experience was buying one of their albums—the first of many more merchandise to come. I opened my first Twitter fan account, where I spazzed about them 24/7. I saved up enough money to attend my first ever fan event with them in 2016. I dropped off a gift for my favorite member at their agency building during my last trip to Seoul. And, most importantly, I had the best day of my life when I skipped class with a friend to fly to Manila and catch their first concert in the country three years ago.
I’ll admit, I did treat those years with them as an occasional form of escapism. My best friend and I would refer to it as “Second Life,” drowning in the songs and fangirling over music videos to distract ourselves from the “first life” problems reality had dealt us with. It worked, but I hadn’t realized how caught up I’d been in the blinding spectacle of it all.
Come college, I didn’t have as much time on my hands as I did back then. Having to adjust to a new city and a new school meant sidelining the K-pop binges and the Twitter spazzing. There was this strange guilt in me. I was missing out on their new shows and skipping out on buying their new albums; hell, I couldn’t even understand half the fandom’s references anymore. But that’s just life, I guess.
You grow up, the sparkle starts to dull somehow, and that’s okay. Some things stay the same. I still feel a surge of pride seeing how much my 13 rookies have grown into global superstars. I still splurge on concert tickets and scream my heart out whenever they come visit (and go through the inevitable post-con breakdown). I still turn to their music for comfort, looking at their journey towards their dreams as an inspiration for me to pursue mine.
My photocards may have been piled to the side, and my lightsticks may have started collecting dust on the shelf, but the fangirl inside me is still alive—her sparkle still intact, always ready to shine.
