Theater & Arts

I’m 20 and I still read fanfiction

Coming-of-age is a Vantage column where staffers share their opinions on a specific beat. From in-depth analyses of TV series to miscellaneous musings in music (and everything in between), this monthly column is an avenue to spread and inspire thought-provoking ideas.

In this column, Vantage Magazine Staffer Kris talks about their experiences of being an avid fanfiction reader and writer in the past ten years.

FANFICTION IS a labor of love, and little in this world can rival the passion of a fan with a story and a mission.

A story never dies for me even after the credits roll or the book closes. “Death to the author” is a lifestyle at this point, and I along with many have unapologetically looked canon in the eye with a piercing desire for “more.” Sometimes, this is out of frustration over what could have been. Most of the time, it is because an insatiable need has overtaken me that I must consume, consume, and consume all media related to my new addiction.

Fanfiction is simultaneously an ode to the writers and the worlds they play god over, as well as a testament to the thriving human tradition of community storytelling.

Thousands flock to writing sites like Quotev, Fanfiction.net and Wattpad in order to read about their favorite characters in all sorts of scenarios. Social media platforms such as Twitter and Tumblr are a host for various fanworks in unconventional formats. My personal favorite, Archive of Our Own (AO3), has a permanent place in my browser tabs. In each of these websites you will find vibrant communities of readers and writers, trading their favorite fan theories and even creating works more beloved than the original canon.

While it may be tempting to label fanfiction as amateur writing, I have read works written by teenagers during their school breaks that rival the New York Times’ Best Sellers, and deserve the Nobel Prize in Literature. It’s a hobby that is almost impossible to monetize due to strict copyright law, yet the absence of profit does nothing to deter these hobbyists from sharing masterful fiction.

I started reading fanfiction at the tender age of 11 from a secondhand iPhone 4, and throughout high school I met an array of fanfiction readers and writers who flocked to their own niches. There were the One Direction real-person-fiction readers, and those who reimagined their favorite Broadway show. There were the alternate universe fans who obsessed over the domesticity of coffee shops, and fans who drank up angst like morning tea.

As a reader, nothing makes me feel more alive than binging a 300,000 word completed work tagged with #found family, #slowburn, and #rivals to friends to lovers. My eyes would sting from the strain of reading under the covers at night—I have seen as many sunrises as I have sunsets. As a writer, character studies have always been my own niche. Analyzing ambition, inner conflict, and agency in my fanfiction has been my unapologetic pleasure.

As much as I enjoyed fanfiction in high school, it suddenly became a closet interest when I entered college. I casually asked my blockmate what she thought of it, in order to potentially bring up the fact that I read and sometimes wrote. I’ll never forget how embarrassed, juvenile, and immature I felt when she said “Oh, I used to read years ago when I was younger?”

It struck me that I was no longer some giddy grade schooler anymore. There’s often an unspoken expiration date paired with ageism that comes with indulging in fanfiction, or any fan community behavior. When you’re 13, it’s all harmless fun. When you’re 20, it feels like you’re wasting your time on a hobby that you don’t even get paid for.

But as quick as it hit me, I was equally as quick to decide that I don’t care.

I don’t want to torture myself with questions on whether I’m too old and cringey to be indulging in fan work. I think adults have the right to interests that aren’t tied to any capitalistic drive to earn. Imagination doesn’t rot with age. If anything, there are multiple fanfiction authors and readers well beyond their years—getting married, having families, and even completing their PhDs. Some of my friends had even spotted the telltale AO3 logo on professors’ browser tabs when they screenshare for class.

There are writers who aren’t writers by profession, and may not ever plan to be. There are readers who place their trust on faceless strangers to deliver a story worth telling despite knowing nothing about them. They do all this well into their years despite adulthood. Fanfiction allows us to be part of a storytelling community where despite the varied backgrounds—from age, to race and sexuality—they are united through the written word.

Being part of a community that nurtures and encourages writers—whether young or old—hardly feels like something to be ashamed of. I am just twenty, turning twenty-one, but when I’m a full-fledged adult in my thirties, I might still find myself opening an AO3 tag. When this happens, I hope to find joy in fanfiction the same way I did when I was barely hitting puberty, keeping this passion alive well into adulthood.

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