Music
Coming-of-age is a Vantage column where staffers share their opinions on a specific beat. From in-depth analyses of TV series to miscellaneous musings in music (and everything in between), this monthly column is an avenue to spread and inspire thought-provoking ideas.
In this column, Vantage Magazine Staffer Jewel Ruther Miraña reminisces on his first experience with kilig as prompted by P-pop girl group BINI’s new song “Kinikilig.”
IN SEVENTH grade, I felt kilig for the first time when you handed me a crosswise pad paper. Amid the rowdy hollers of “Pahingi!” in the classroom, it was mine that you heard. As I took the paper with a reluctant smile, I sensed a feeling in my chest familiar to us all—the tickling, almost heartburn-like sensation.
Six years after this first kilig experience, I listened to Pinoy pop (P-pop) BINI’s new song “Kinikilig” in their recently released first album Born to Win. Right then, all the buried history, the memories, and even the humiliation came rushing back. As BINI Mikha started a count of “1, 2, 3, 4,” I instantly felt like the 13-year old who had no idea that his outlook on love would change forever.
You see, I despised romance back then. Anything that reminded me of it made me want to vomit. Whenever I saw a John Lloyd and Bea Alonzo movie trailer, I immediately switched the television channel. I didn’t care for love teams like KathNiel, LizQuen or JaDine either, and avoided their films like Diary ng Panget (2014) and She’s Dating the Gangster (2014) altogether.
I dismissed romance as superficial and sought serious themes in the name of being edgy. However, as most of us hate to admit, kilig knows no exceptions. It can make you toss out whatever mindset you might have and act completely out of character. It’s just like what BINI sings: “Unexpected pagkikita natin, parang may spark (Our meeting was unexpected, like a spark was there).” You made me feel all the sparks and I was electrocuted.
Like any sane person would do, I refused to admit that I had a crush on you, actively rejecting and repressing my feelings. However, we all know this denial could only take me so far. When you recited in English class, I couldn’t stop thinking how charming it was that you managed to say a thousand words and still ended up wrong.
When you finished dead last in PE class, all I could think was how fresh you still looked after running six laps. No matter how much I tried to erase you from my head, I couldn’t help but admit: “Kinikilig, pinakilig mo ako (I felt kilig, you made me feel kilig).”
You became a recurring thought in my head, just like the chorus of the song. As I immersed myself in Kinikilig’s dreamy melody and angelic vocals, I was taken back to the time I practically floated every time I saw you. I remember I even found myself wanting to say the corniest lines such as the lyrics “I like your humor, pero I think I like you more.”
BINI Colet mirrors my struggle as she belts an admission of defeat against kilig before returning to an honest confession in the chorus. Just as another lyric says: “Puso ko’y sasabog na,” my heart exploded in pieces over you.
Now, you must be thinking how ironic it was that I hated romantic comedies when my story was turning out just like one: The stoic boy was no longer stoic because of a single generous act. Put John Lloyd in the cast and we’d have a blockbuster movie. I can already see the title: “One Last Crosswise” or “It Takes a Man and a Pad Paper.”
“Kinikilig” would even be our perfect soundtrack. Its charming approach and use of Taglish fit among the Pinoy pop romance songs that we grew up with, like JaDine’s “Hanap-Hanap,”and the very iconic “Kakaibabe.” Although BINI’s vocals and production are much more refined than these tunes, the themes of young love all intersect—exactly why I’m reminded of you.
Over the years, I’ve had my share of my second, third and more instances of kilig. I got over you at some point; and somewhere along the way, I didn’t find your wrong answers as charming as they were before.
Despite this, I’ll always remember you. You helped me not totally despise love teams, and whenever I see a new rom-com trailer, I don’t immediately switch the television. Everytime I listen to BINI’s “Kinikilig,” I will always remember that in seventh grade, you gave me a piece of crosswise paper and changed my life.
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