Grief is incomprehensible in that it is not just felt at once and then never again. It’s a lifelong process with feelings of anguish, pain, and hope experienced over and over again by the people who have loved and lost someone. Richie Diyco shares his story as a single father to his five kids, a little over a year after their mother had passed from cancer.
During his wife’s two-year battle, Richie explains that his relationship with his kids had strengthened with their resolve to help him run the family. “I am fortunate to have two ‘batches’ of children, with the older ones helping to take care of the younger ones,” he says.
Contrary to what people may think, the single-parent life has always been a smooth-sailing voyage for Richie, made easier by his middle daughter Chayee (3 BS CTM) and his four other children. “Raising [them] hasn’t been the tough, difficult, angst-ridden experience people would think it to be as they remain aware of my efforts and my obvious occasional missteps,” he says. “Raising them has been a source of learning for me as it has been for them.”
For Richie, it’s important to communicate his apprehensions to Chayee, as he leans on her for emotional support whenever he is faced with problems. “She has become more mature with her mom’s passing, and I fear sometimes that I might be expecting too much from her, so I remind myself that she has her own needs [too],” he admits. As her dad, Richie needs to set her straight, but he also makes it a point to stay open to her in ways he knows how. “I make time to fetch her, chat with her, go on dates with her, ask her about her friends, [her boyfriend], her plans, her fears and failures.” he explains.
The way Chayee sees her relationship with her dad goes beyond a father-daughter relationship. “I don’t think a lot of people can say that their dad is their best friend, but that’s really who he is to me,” she says. Chayee has always been close to him, but not having a female figure in the house took some adjustment—especially when it came to “girl-related” problems. After her mom’s passing, it took some time for them to manage even the littlest of things in their household: From how many bottles of cooking oil they’d need down to the jars of mayonnaise they’d buy.
With these changes, Chayee admits that it was hard for her to open up to her dad at first. “I used to be scared because I thought my problems were petty little girl problems that he wouldn’t understand,” she says. “He’s a doctor, so I thought he’d have too many problems to think about already.” However, communicating her feelings and problems to Richie made her appreciate her relationship with him even more.
“I’m really glad my dad isn’t the type to lecture me about things when I’d open up to him. He’d always try to see things from my perspective and teach me where to go on from there,” she adds.
When asked what it takes to maintain this dynamic, Chayee explains the importance of making time for her dad in the same way he makes time for her: “Every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, he gets off clinic just in time to pick me up from school. You could probably see us somewhere along Katipunan, getting his car washed or eating [in] student–loved restaurants.”
On the other hand, Richie expresses his love for Chayee both directly and indirectly. “I don’t hesitate to tell Chayee how much I love her, and I don’t hesitate to show her via chats, via going out for coffee or dinner, via small tokens just to remind her I think about her,” he says.
It’s only been a year since Richie took the role of both father and mother to the family, but his strength through these trying times remains to be what makes Chayee most proud of him for.
“He’s carrying a lot on his shoulders, but when he comes home every day, he’s our dad and nothing else,” Chayee shares. “I’m still trying to learn this trait from him and hopefully I will someday, but for now, I’m glad to know he’s there for me and my siblings.”
For Richie, being there means being available for everyday moments, from real talk to simple meal time with the family. And Chayee sees this constant effort as her dad’s heroism. “He’d always brag about how he’s a superdad because he knows every answer in crosswords or even that Jeopardy show,” she says. “But I think he’s a superdad because of his strength. I’m really proud of him.”
Photos by Ralph Lim and Gabriel Medina
Graphic by Andrea Granda
