Illustration by Josephus T. Nugraha
Three finals, two research papers, a panel defense and a quiz thrown in just to mess with you—all signs of the dreaded hell week(s). Who doesn’t love the smell of deadlines in the morning?
While the Loyola Schools campus come midterms or finals week isn’t exactly like the hell described in Dante’s Inferno (though going through that might seem a tad bit more appealing to some people at this point), a keen eye might spot a number of archetypes shambling about campus, not unlike Alighieri’s distinct cantos.
The Slacker
The Slacker is the person we always worry about when things get hectic. They’re usually in denial until a day or two before an exam or a deadline, and may be seen lounging around watching movies, playing video games and everything else that doesn’t involve studying.
The more bullheaded even try to get others to join them in procrastinating—their confidence falling away to tears on the day of the big exam (which they obviously completely forgot about).
Appearance: A laid-back outfit composed of jeans, sweatpants or shorts, and a simple t-shirt; clean-cut and fresh-faced; all black everything
Spot them at: Matteo Ricci Study Hall (usually at the 2nd floor), Rizal Lib, Gonzaga Caf, JSEC, the pigeon holes of various professors
The inTENSE
Emphasis on “tense.” It doesn’t matter if the next deadline is tomorrow or next week, the inTENSE are always stressed. They are the ones who are always up cramming at 3 AM, and as a result, falling asleep in class. Pretty confident their blood is more than half coffee at this point.
Appearance: Insomnia chic—disheveled hair, something s/he threw on two minutes before leaving the house (slippers, shorts/sweatpants, ironic t-shirt/hoodie, whatever) and the ever-defining eye-maletas
Spot them at: 3rd and 4th floor of the Rizal Library, Matteo Ricci Study Hall (ground floor), a random bench around campus
The Fashyown
In the face of impending (academic) doom, The Fashown’s motto reads: If you must fail, fail in style! Somehow, they spend just as much time trudging through readings as they do pulling together outfits for the week. Catch them sporting button-downs, cardigans, bandage skirts and, of course, giant shades to hide the eyebags.
Appearance: Wearing either whatever is deemed trendy at the moment or anything classic.
Spot them at: JSEC, strutting around campus
The Fisher
That one person in your Math class who always bellows an insufferable “I didn’t study, I’m gonna fail!” then brandishes an A+ when the results come in.
The opposite is the Anti-Fisher: “I’m so prepared! I think I answered everything,” then proceeds to get an F in said exam. Poor soul.
Appearance: Clothed in their regular school wear; nothing significantly different
Spot them at: Gonzaga Caf, JSEC
The Magis-ian
Everyone is envious of the Magis-ian, who seems to have everything all figured out. While you are busy drowning in your sea of requirements, they’ve already worked their magic and swam through an ocean of their own. Twice. And to top that all off, they still have time to do work for their 129,875,434 orgs, in which they are core members of.
Oh, and they may or may not hold the secret to the universe.
Appearance: Either extremely put together (as in only a level under The Fashyown) or in insomnia chic (as in the inTENSE)
Spot them at: MVP, Rizal Lib
Bonus: Additional types whose names speak for themselves
The bag in Matteo
The Stress Eater
The Corpse
Whether you’re a definite one, or a mix of two or more, which of them do you identify with? Feel free to hit the comments to suggest more hell week archetypes!
