The transition into single parenthood is never easy, and 52-year-old single mother Yayo Martinez can certainly attest to that. Although her sole focus at the moment is raising her 19-year-old son, Adam (1 AB PanFil), with her three older daughters already in their thirties, things were quite different when she first started her journey as a single parent.
After separating from her husband in 2008, Yayo decided to move out to a nearby condo while the kids stayed with their dad. One of the hardest parts of the separation was explaining the set-up to Adam, who was still in first grade.
“It was hard nung umpisa (at the beginning) to tell him, so I just said that we were gonna have another house,” Yayo explains. Although she lived away from her kids, her responsibilities as a parent did not change one bit. Yayo would still rise early in the morning, wake the children up, bring them to school, then pick them up again in the afternoon. She did her best to keep up the routine for the family to ease into this next stage of their lives.
Another concern of Yayo’s during that time was Adam, who was struggling to cope with his parents’ separation. “I already knew what had happened since I was in second grade, pero tumama talaga sa akin nung (but it really hit me in) fourth grade,” Adam explains. Yayo recalls how his academic performance had started to worsen during that time. “I remember going to the guidance counselor and crying for nearly half a day,” he adds.
Things got tougher for Yayo after her husband’s stroke a few years later, especially since she was left to raise the kids by herself without any financial support. “It was really, really difficult, because to start off, I didn’t have any money. I only had like Php 1,000 something in the bank,” she says.
“Since 2008 my ex-husband didn’t send any help, not even a single peso, but I never asked for anything,” Yayo adds, which meant that she had to take any job she could to make ends meet. “Whatever work was coming my way, I didn’t have the liberty to choose. Kailangan kung anong meron, ‘yun lang (Whatever was there, that was it).”
Apart from coping with this hectic lifestyle, Yayo’s acting career made the whole parenting process even more challenging. “[Even if I had no] sleep and I’d come from [far-off] location shoots, I would still have to help [the children] get ready for school and then sleep lang with the few hours I have,” Yayo says. “‘Yung condo namin, ang liit lang n’un. Sa isang room kami natutulog at apat kami, tapos wala kaming bed frame, and we lived there for almost nine years (Our condo back then was really small. The four of us slept in one room, and we didn’t even have a bed frame. We lived there for almost nine years).”
“I look back and I think, my God, paano ko na-manage yun? (How did I manage that?)” she shares. “When you’re alone and you know you have to raise and feed and put to school three children, parang mag-iiba ang mundo mo. Ang mindset ko lang, ‘kaya ko ‘to, I have to do this because ginusto ko ‘to.’ Kailangan walang low days because I had to be strong for my children.”
(When you’re alone and you know you have to raise and feed and put to school three children, it’s like your world changes. My mindset was just, “I can do this, I have to do this because I wanted this.” I can’t have low days because I had to be strong for my children.)
Things started to look up for Yayo after her youngest daughter graduated college in 2017. More career opportunities came her way, and she started to feel more settled as a single parent–with only one child left in school and her three daughters now financially independent. Her priority at the moment is Adam, who is still adjusting to college life and was recently diagnosed with clinical depression and borderline Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder two years ago.
Looking back, Adam admits how affected he was by his parents’ separation. “Siyempre masakit, but I realized that it was the best thing for us,” he says. “Feeling ko magiging less empathetic ako kung hindi nag-separate ang parents ko, because it made me learn so much. I think I would have been more spoiled and not the person I am today.”
(I feel like I’d be less empathetic if my parents didn’t separate, because it made me learn so much. I think I would have been more spoiled and not the person I am today.)
Adam and Yayo’s bond also strengthened during their years as a single-parent family. They refer to their relationship as one of “frenemies” and consider this close bond a result of the rocky path they had to endure as a family. “She already trusts me to do things on my own, pero minsan wala rin siyang tiwala sa akin,” Adam fondly explains. “Yung tipong magbabayad lang ako ng Meralco o mag-commute nang mag-isa, sobrang proud na siya, at big milestone daw yun para sa kanya.”
(Even if it’s just things like paying the bills at Meralco or commuting by myself, she feels so proud already and considers it as a big milestone.)
“Life has been difficult, but we’re happy,” Yayo adds. “Kasi ‘diba people are under the impression na ‘pag sinabi mong ‘family’ kailangan complete, pero ‘di naman eh. Kasi ako, I call us a family kahit kulang.”
(People are usually under the impression that when you say “family,” it has to be complete, but that’s not always the case. Because for me, I consider what I have a family, even though we’re incomplete.)
Yayo acknowledges that there will always be that slight sense of something being physically missing from their family, especially when she and her kids take photos together. Despite this, she proudly carries the role of two parents, saying that they’ve never been happier as a family and that there was never a feeling of incompleteness between them.
Photos by Ralph Lim and Gabriel Medina
Graphics by Andrea Granda